I've been thinking a lot about a lot of things this past week, but none of my ruminations have made it to this space, because I told myself that I couldn't write about anything else until I had spread the word about my Big News. But my Big News is emotionally difficult to face, so I've had a hard time composing the announcement. Anyways, here goes:

I am in the process of withdrawing from my doctoral program.

This decision has come about fairly abruptly, and I'm still working out the logistics. But I am confident that this is the right move for me right now -- and in a very real sense, I have no other choice. The depression and burnout I've been dealing with for most of the last five years have caused me to drop far behind in my program, and also make the prospect of trying to catch up to an acceptable level daunting in the extreme. I've kept trying to move ahead because I didn't want to waste what I've already invested in this career, but I've reached the point of such diminished returns that it doesn't make sense to keep on trying. I'm exhausted, and I need a real break.

There remains a slim possibility that after a year or so of respite I could apply to re-enroll and finish my program, but more realistically, I think I'm looking at a total career change. I'm not exactly in the best psychological place to be launching a job hunt right now, so I may wind up doing some flunky office temp work for awhile while I get my feet back under me. The plan is to stay in the Durham area until I have a good reason to go elsewhere. I have a few ideas about where I'd like to go from here, but we'll see what comes along.

I never knew it was possible to feel this relieved and hopeful and this terrified and grief-stricken about the same thing at the same time. I covet your prayers as I make my way through this transition into the unknown.