For the hygienically paranoid who aren't satisfied with just skipping church the first Sunday of the month in order to avoid the public health menace that is Holy Communion; you can now purchase peace of mind for just $5.00 (plus shipping and handling) by investing in the "Passing the Peace Protection Packet," so you won't have risk human contact during that yucky moment where they MAKE YOU SHAKE HANDS with those people sitting around you in the pews! Who knows what epidemic may be lurking the epidermis of those strangers in your socioeconomically homogeneous congregation?

(N.B., for those with malfunctioning irony meters, the product does exist, but it is a GAG ITEM. As the GoingBridal Wedding Audit so sagely puts it, "if you actually think this a good idea, there is something wrong with your priorities.")

Sadly, it seems that the purveyors of this fine product are no longer offering SIN BOLDLY Lager bottles with actual beer in them. On second thought, that's not so sad, because the beer was way too expensive and not that good. Maybe that's why they stopped selling it.

And, not to let the Lutherans have all the fun, the Episcopal Network for Animal Welfare offers a customized BBQ Apron. Also, thong underwear. No comment. (Thanks to tmatt for the link.)